"The art of living does not consist of preserving and clinging to a certain mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change. For happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up."
-Charles Morgan
After reading this I had nearly a million thoughts run through my head that I wanted to write about but when I finally got myself here it seems there are too many to express in just one post. I wish I were surprised by this overwhelming feeling but it seems to happen more often than not these days.
Its time to grow up, Mar. Time to move forward and stop being so terrified of what the future might have in store and what opportunities might be around the corner just waiting for you to open your eyes and notice them.
I find myself feeling content rather than feeling happy or excited lately, which is not necessarily a bad thing but it is definitely not a feeling I want to settle for. I miss being excited about new opportunities and challenging myself to move forward and take a risk or two. I am thankful to have a full time job with co-workers I have began to call friends but if you know anything about me you will know that this job is merely temporary and I constantly crave a place where I can exercise my passions and talents. Happiness has been easy for me for 23 years despite the obstacles I have been faced with but its definitely time to let my happiness grow up and find its roots in areas of my life outside of what I already know so well.
The thought of taking a huge leap into a job that would actually challenge me (and help me grow) is almost paralyzing because it means I might actually have to feel failure from time to time. A mess-up here and there won't ruin my happiness.... in fact it will probably make me even happier to know that I've been challenged and found a way to defeat it. I often feel as though I should be working harder to allow myself to find happiness in another person and let myself see what an adult relationship is all about but again... paralyzing.
Growth and change.
I need to stop having this idea of what "happiness" is and let it grow up and come from other areas of my life and not be so sure that I am the only person who can provide it for myself. It seems so easy to think about this and change my attitude but there is something about fear of the unknown that really freezes me up. I want to live an active life and not settle for what is easy and convenient. I want to be honest with myself and not only admit my emotions but act on them and risk failure. I want to let someone else make me happy in a way I haven't been happy before and not constantly have it in the back of my mind that they have the power to crush me.
How odd, this thing we call life. How odd.. yet how incredible. At 23 years young I can wake up every morning not truly knowing whats in store and I have the power to change my attitude with every high and every low that comes my way.
Happiness changes. We change. We must allow ourselves to grow up.
