Attitude

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

Charles R. Swindoll

Happiness Changes

"The art of living does not consist of preserving and clinging to a certain mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change. For happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up."
-Charles Morgan

After reading this I had nearly a million thoughts run through my head that I wanted to write about but when I finally got myself here it seems there are too many to express in just one post. I wish I were surprised by this overwhelming feeling but it seems to happen more often than not these days.

Its time to grow up, Mar. Time to move forward and stop being so terrified of what the future might have in store and what opportunities might be around the corner just waiting for you to open your eyes and notice them.

I find myself feeling content rather than feeling happy or excited lately, which is not necessarily a bad thing but it is definitely not a feeling I want to settle for. I miss being excited about new opportunities and challenging myself to move forward and take a risk or two. I am thankful to have a full time job with co-workers I have began to call friends but if you know anything about me you will know that this job is merely temporary and I constantly crave a place where I can exercise my passions and talents. Happiness has been easy for me for 23 years despite the obstacles I have been faced with but its definitely time to let my happiness grow up and find its roots in areas of my life outside of what I already know so well.

The thought of taking a huge leap into a job that would actually challenge me (and help me grow) is almost paralyzing because it means I might actually have to feel failure from time to time. A mess-up here and there won't ruin my happiness.... in fact it will probably make me even happier to know that I've been challenged and found a way to defeat it. I often feel as though I should be working harder to allow myself to find happiness in another person and let myself see what an adult relationship is all about but again... paralyzing.
Growth and change.
I need to stop having this idea of what "happiness" is and let it grow up and come from other areas of my life and not be so sure that I am the only person who can provide it for myself. It seems so easy to think about this and change my attitude but there is something about fear of the unknown that really freezes me up. I want to live an active life and not settle for what is easy and convenient. I want to be honest with myself and not only admit my emotions but act on them and risk failure. I want to let someone else make me happy in a way I haven't been happy before and not constantly have it in the back of my mind that they have the power to crush me.

How odd, this thing we call life. How odd.. yet how incredible. At 23 years young I can wake up every morning not truly knowing whats in store and I have the power to change my attitude with every high and every low that comes my way.

Happiness changes. We change. We must allow ourselves to grow up.

When words fail...

Few things satisfy me more than a long and strong embrace. Nights like tonight remind me just how powerful something so simple can be. The combination of built up anticipation to see such a great person and the feeling of wanting nothing more than to take away any pain and hurt definitely proved that sometimes words are unnecessary. I truly believe that nothing could have been said in that moment that would have come close to how either of us felt.

Not too long after this I stumbled upon some powerful and incredibly true words:

"Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put mine around you."
- Jacques Prevert

Life is always throwing us curve balls and challenges but we weren't created to go through them on our own. We are blessed with families, friends, and even strangers that will drop their own routines and plans to give someone else a little more happiness. For that, I am thankful. Thankful that I have both given and received such love and comfort and that I cannot fathom the power of some of the most simple gestures.

Sometimes I just love that silent understanding.

Music.

Unfortunately tonight has become a restless night after what felt like the most relaxing weekend I have had in ages. My wake up call will come all too quickly but for now I am trying to find rest in the comforting sounds of Jon Schmidt tickling the ivories. If you have never allowed yourself time to do nothing but listen to him play, you really should. After hearing his rendition of "Love Story" by Taylor Swift (with Viva La Vida and an awesome cellist playing with him) at a friend's wedding I became instantly addicted. So many nights I have fallen asleep to his flawless talent.

It always floors me how music can strike a chord with our emotions. I find myself scrolling up and down through my iTunes on a regular basis trying to find that perfect song that says everything I am thinking or want to share with someone else. If I can't find it there I will get comfortable with my Google search bar and try to find an artist I like who may have written the words I am trying to say. Even this piano music, with no words, can manage to say everything I want to say. Every note, every crescendo.. they all have their own meaning and sense of power.

A song can pack years worth of emotion into a mere 4 minutes of time.

I think it may be a sign that his song, "Bedtime" just started playing.

If its cold outside...

I don't know that there is a song that can make me feel so good on any given day.

MY WISH
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you

And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get

Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish, yeah yeah


Rascal Flatts

October.

Delicious autumn!
My very soul is wedded to it,
and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth
seeking the successive autumns.

~George Eliot

Ease my troubles, that's what you do.

Recently came across a song called "Lucky" by Kat Edmonson and it took me forever before I realized I loved it. I haven't gotten this line out of my head since.

"So cast your troubles into the sky, they can be the stars in our eyes and we can count them another day, from far away."

When I was younger (and even during a few melt downs in the last few years) my mom would always tell me to give her my problems and if I wanted them back later I could have them... but she would hang on to them as long as I wanted. I never understood at the time just how helpful that actually was. Despite the moments of irritation when she would make me pretend to physically hand her something... I loved her for it. I loved just how willing she was to take any bit of sadness, anger, hurt or frustration from me and carry it around. I can't even fathom how many painful moments she had to experience as she and my dad raised 3 girls and had to experience a whole lot of teenage years. An amazing couple, they are. Recently I feel like I want her.. or anyone.. to take my frustrations and confusions from me. The mix of emotions I have had about life transitions have made for plenty of days when I just want someone to tell me I can set it all aside and worry about it later.. that for the time being we can think about something else and come back to it another day when the emotions may not seem so dramatic.