To Be Alive

To be alive: not just the carcass
But the spark.
That's crudely put, but…

If we're not supposed to dance,
Why all this music?

--Gregory Orr

I was inspired today to start blogging again. Jake told me about "365 Project", which is a type of 'photo blog'
capturing one picture a day for an entire year. It sounded pretty interesting and made me start to think a lot about
my obsession with quotes and song lyrics. So this is my plan and I hope I can stick with it as much as possible. I'd
love to post a quote of the day each day that best reflects what I processed or learned. I'd like to say I would also post
a little something explaining why I chose each quote but sometimes it can be better left unexplained.

This short poem is where Emily came up with her most recent tattoo that just says, "To Be Alive", which we also have
in a frame in our living room. I remember the first time I came across these words. I vividly remember taking a deep
breath when I read, "not just the carcass, but the spark." Waking up each day and reminding myself that my value
and beauty go beyond my physical ability (or inability for that matter) has been challenging at times but is more
energizing than the smoothest cup of coffee.
The spark.
I often remind myself of Howard Thurman's words when I reflect on this idea of having a spark. He said, "Don't ask
what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people
who have come alive."
To be alive and living according to what makes us want to sprint instead of walk, to scream instead of whisper...
that is what is going to change the world. This transition from a life of reading, writing, studying and test-taking
to a life of bill paying, job hunting, and future planning has been quite a battle for me. I forget to focus on what
makes my heart beat faster or makes my smile a bit wider. I find myself craving change and adventure but cannot
seem to find what I'm looking for. It turns out that I don't know what I'm looking for.. and that's okay. There is
nothing wrong with feeling this anxious. Some days it is a terrifying anxiety and other days I catch myself feeling
so excited I can hardly sit still and focus for more than a few minutes.
I need to keep asking myself what makes me come alive. I am learning more about my passions every single day
and in some of the most unbelievable ways. I'm finding it easier to take on this job hunting adventure as I look
for positions or companies that I think could make me feel alive. Even though tasks themselves may not be ideal
I can make even the smallest changes in the world around me if I am able to feel that spark.

Who knows what I will be doing 5 years from now... or even 5 months from now. I am beginning to accept this
type of uncertainty, which feels surprisingly great. I used to think this type of acceptance meant I was giving up
or calling it quits because I wasn't making plans but I've come to realize that just isn't true. I'm putting more faith
in God's plans than my own, which is what I should have been doing all along. He knows what will make that spark
become a fire and I need to be patient with this process.