When words fail...

Few things satisfy me more than a long and strong embrace. Nights like tonight remind me just how powerful something so simple can be. The combination of built up anticipation to see such a great person and the feeling of wanting nothing more than to take away any pain and hurt definitely proved that sometimes words are unnecessary. I truly believe that nothing could have been said in that moment that would have come close to how either of us felt.

Not too long after this I stumbled upon some powerful and incredibly true words:

"Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put mine around you."
- Jacques Prevert

Life is always throwing us curve balls and challenges but we weren't created to go through them on our own. We are blessed with families, friends, and even strangers that will drop their own routines and plans to give someone else a little more happiness. For that, I am thankful. Thankful that I have both given and received such love and comfort and that I cannot fathom the power of some of the most simple gestures.

Sometimes I just love that silent understanding.

Music.

Unfortunately tonight has become a restless night after what felt like the most relaxing weekend I have had in ages. My wake up call will come all too quickly but for now I am trying to find rest in the comforting sounds of Jon Schmidt tickling the ivories. If you have never allowed yourself time to do nothing but listen to him play, you really should. After hearing his rendition of "Love Story" by Taylor Swift (with Viva La Vida and an awesome cellist playing with him) at a friend's wedding I became instantly addicted. So many nights I have fallen asleep to his flawless talent.

It always floors me how music can strike a chord with our emotions. I find myself scrolling up and down through my iTunes on a regular basis trying to find that perfect song that says everything I am thinking or want to share with someone else. If I can't find it there I will get comfortable with my Google search bar and try to find an artist I like who may have written the words I am trying to say. Even this piano music, with no words, can manage to say everything I want to say. Every note, every crescendo.. they all have their own meaning and sense of power.

A song can pack years worth of emotion into a mere 4 minutes of time.

I think it may be a sign that his song, "Bedtime" just started playing.

If its cold outside...

I don't know that there is a song that can make me feel so good on any given day.

MY WISH
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you

And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get

Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish, yeah yeah


Rascal Flatts

October.

Delicious autumn!
My very soul is wedded to it,
and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth
seeking the successive autumns.

~George Eliot

Ease my troubles, that's what you do.

Recently came across a song called "Lucky" by Kat Edmonson and it took me forever before I realized I loved it. I haven't gotten this line out of my head since.

"So cast your troubles into the sky, they can be the stars in our eyes and we can count them another day, from far away."

When I was younger (and even during a few melt downs in the last few years) my mom would always tell me to give her my problems and if I wanted them back later I could have them... but she would hang on to them as long as I wanted. I never understood at the time just how helpful that actually was. Despite the moments of irritation when she would make me pretend to physically hand her something... I loved her for it. I loved just how willing she was to take any bit of sadness, anger, hurt or frustration from me and carry it around. I can't even fathom how many painful moments she had to experience as she and my dad raised 3 girls and had to experience a whole lot of teenage years. An amazing couple, they are. Recently I feel like I want her.. or anyone.. to take my frustrations and confusions from me. The mix of emotions I have had about life transitions have made for plenty of days when I just want someone to tell me I can set it all aside and worry about it later.. that for the time being we can think about something else and come back to it another day when the emotions may not seem so dramatic.

Carpe Diem

"Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary."
-Mr. John Keeting (Dead Poets Society)

Best quote from my absolute favorite movie.

Character

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”
-Dale Carnegie

I feel lucky that I have friends with great character. I have to admit how impressed I am by the patience, understanding and extremely high levels of respect that people are able to maintain when being personally attacked and ridiculed when I feel as though I would break down and call it quits.
There certainly are wonderful people in the world who will make greater strides than those who find power and energy in belittling others.

Nothing Fancy

There's nothing fancy bout the way I love you,
It's as simple as the stars in the sky, and the blue in the sea.
There's nothing fancy bout the way I love you,
But it sure is fancy how you love me.

Dave Barnes

Escape

I feel as though a lot of people in my life right now are running on empty. For once in my life I have began to discover rest (though sometimes too much of it) and the importance of saying no to people when I know I have just run myself too hard. I've been thinking about this lately and it was so great to have Jen bring up this very subject before choir last night. She read from a book about how important it is to say no sometimes without feeling guilty or the need for an excuse other than the fact that you simply need to recuperate. It was interesting however to think about it in relation to my spiritual life and that it is okay to slow down instead of trying to run at unnecessary speeds.
In addition to this entire thought about rest I have been addicted to a song by Nathan Angelo called "Escape" that almost brought me to tears last night. This is exactly how I feel on certain days when I know I need to take my time and I just feel like I have no choice but to sprint.

I start my day, I'm late again
I race another clock, will it ever end?
Can't keep up, we're falling behind
There's never any time

As one tasks ends two more begin
They're piling up and closing us in
To live like we're free just once in a while
Is that such a crime?

We all need to have that place or person that will make us feel as though we've escaped the real world and we have the freedom to be goofy and breathe a little bit deeper in order to fuel up for another part of this journey. There are few things that are truly as satisfying as that feeling of complete comfort and freedom.

Raw Lyrics

I'm singing this song with Jenni on Sunday morning and while we were practicing today I couldn't help but feel the lyrics more than I ever have before. Its so raw, so real.


Hello Lord, it's me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute, cause
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

Life of a Coffee Lover

‎"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after." -Anne Morrow Lindbergh

A coffee lover's mantra perhaps? I have found that there is no greater combination of events that sipping coffee and catching up on life, chatting about anything and everything. One of the first blogs I ever wrote (and the only on that page.. whoops) was called, "coffee makes me talk". Fancy that.
I have found a new website I am in love with and want to submit photos to: coffeecupview.com

I find it fascinating how so many people relax and bond with others over 12-20 ounces of smooth jolts of energy.

Blue Like Jazz

Honestly... Everyone needs to read this book followed by "Searching for God Knows What".

"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty."

-Donald Miller

Laughter

"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything." -Marilyn Monroe

One Story

"No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone."

Donald Miller

If you haven't read a book by him yet... do it. He's an incredible writer.

Change and Growth

“We grow neither better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves”

- May Lamberton Becker

Sometimes spending time with friends who have known you the longest reminds you of how much you've changed. Certain changes have happened together and some have occurred individually, making us sometimes feel as though we must merely relive the past when we reconnect.
Don't get me wrong, I adore reminiscing about the past and laughing about all of the good times but there are moments when I want to learn about the present and the future of those that I love. I want to talk one on one and continue to grow and change together instead of feeling like strangers.
I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin as I have in the past few months. As lost as I have been (and am) I still feel like I am finally finding myself and dare I say it, growing up.

When Harry Met Sally

Too many quotes from this movie are amazing and hilarious. This one wins today.

Sally: "You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you."

Let us not forget when they sit at the table and Sally is repeating after Harry in the most ridiculous voice.. and when they sing Karaoke in the middle of the store.

such. a. great. movie.

Que Sera Sera

I've had this song stuck in my head all day accompanied with the memory of a favorite Sorenson Family home video. So while you listen... picture this:

A 6 year old me with my long curly blonde hair and HUGE thick glasses. Wearing a pink sweat suit that Anne Kocon made for me and mismatched pink and orange socks (some things never change). I also danced around with my first cabbage patch doll, Darlene. Gosh, I was cute. This song is still so great though.

To Be Alive

To be alive: not just the carcass
But the spark.
That's crudely put, but…

If we're not supposed to dance,
Why all this music?

--Gregory Orr

I was inspired today to start blogging again. Jake told me about "365 Project", which is a type of 'photo blog'
capturing one picture a day for an entire year. It sounded pretty interesting and made me start to think a lot about
my obsession with quotes and song lyrics. So this is my plan and I hope I can stick with it as much as possible. I'd
love to post a quote of the day each day that best reflects what I processed or learned. I'd like to say I would also post
a little something explaining why I chose each quote but sometimes it can be better left unexplained.

This short poem is where Emily came up with her most recent tattoo that just says, "To Be Alive", which we also have
in a frame in our living room. I remember the first time I came across these words. I vividly remember taking a deep
breath when I read, "not just the carcass, but the spark." Waking up each day and reminding myself that my value
and beauty go beyond my physical ability (or inability for that matter) has been challenging at times but is more
energizing than the smoothest cup of coffee.
The spark.
I often remind myself of Howard Thurman's words when I reflect on this idea of having a spark. He said, "Don't ask
what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people
who have come alive."
To be alive and living according to what makes us want to sprint instead of walk, to scream instead of whisper...
that is what is going to change the world. This transition from a life of reading, writing, studying and test-taking
to a life of bill paying, job hunting, and future planning has been quite a battle for me. I forget to focus on what
makes my heart beat faster or makes my smile a bit wider. I find myself craving change and adventure but cannot
seem to find what I'm looking for. It turns out that I don't know what I'm looking for.. and that's okay. There is
nothing wrong with feeling this anxious. Some days it is a terrifying anxiety and other days I catch myself feeling
so excited I can hardly sit still and focus for more than a few minutes.
I need to keep asking myself what makes me come alive. I am learning more about my passions every single day
and in some of the most unbelievable ways. I'm finding it easier to take on this job hunting adventure as I look
for positions or companies that I think could make me feel alive. Even though tasks themselves may not be ideal
I can make even the smallest changes in the world around me if I am able to feel that spark.

Who knows what I will be doing 5 years from now... or even 5 months from now. I am beginning to accept this
type of uncertainty, which feels surprisingly great. I used to think this type of acceptance meant I was giving up
or calling it quits because I wasn't making plans but I've come to realize that just isn't true. I'm putting more faith
in God's plans than my own, which is what I should have been doing all along. He knows what will make that spark
become a fire and I need to be patient with this process.